The Blatant Self-Insertion Fic Of Doom
by Shimegami
Summary: The product of two idle teenage girl minds at 4 in the morning after lots of sugar and watching Slayers tapes a gabillion times. Be afraid. Be very afraid. PG-13 cause we cuss a lot. ^_^
1. Mangaknights in Slayersland!!!

The Blatant Self-Insertion Fic Of Doom  
BY Shimegami  
Warnings: Language, OOC for Xelloss and Zelgadis, sexual hints (you have to look, though)  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.  
AN: Me and my bestest friend Leri-chan (fully known as Lerithanei) wrote this!! (I'm also known as Minea Yokohanei) And yes, we really act like this  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Click. Click. Click.  
  
/Mhm…coffee…/  
  
Click. Click. Click.  
  
/Sigh…I've seen this episode…/  
  
Click. Click. Click.  
  
/….WAI! Zelgadis…!!/  
  
Click. Click. Click.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Minea screeched into halt a bit too late running straight into the nearest electronic equipment.   
  
"ugha?" blinking Leri glared at the everlasting ball of energy.  
  
"Owie…that was fun!!!!!! ^_^"  
  
"-_-*"  
  
"WAI!! Lookie!!! Xelloss-san!!! ^_^ LOOKIE LOOKIELOOKIELOOKIELOOKIELOO-OW!!" Leri calmly removed her fist from Minea's face and walked back to her computer.  
  
"That hurt! Do it again!! ^_^"  
  
"-_-* Need more coffeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!"  
  
"Umm? Leri-chan? What does this do…………????" That was the only warning her fellow manga knight got before falling in blackness.  
  
--  
  
"I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm in a bad mood. SO BACK OFF GOURRY!!!!!!!!" Lina screamed.  
  
"What did I do????"  
  
"…" Zelgadis raised his eyebrow, watching the two argue a helpless case. Suddenly a bright flash of light appeared to the side.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!?!?"  
  
"Lina-san, such bad words are not meant for advocates of justice to use!!"  
  
"Shut up Amelia."  
  
"MINEA!!!!! IF YOU PRESS ONE MORE BUTTON BEFORE ASKING I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!!!!!"  
  
"But I did ask…"  
  
This was when the realization hit Leri… they were not in MK headquarters anymore… /twap!/ A fan appeared out of nowhere when Leri hit Minea in head.  
  
"OWWW! Uhm…Leri?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Where are we…" It seemed obvious that they were no longer in MK anymore. The absence of computer equipment was a clue. The question innocent enough..  
  
"Well…. The button pushed tranmitted us into denex-space, changing our dna and knowledge to fit this world. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY STUFF!!!!!!????"  
  
"Da…nex?"  
  
"We are in "The Slayers" world." Leri said simply sipping her magically appearing coffee cup.  
  
Zelgadis stared at her coffee cup. "I need one of those."  
  
Xelloss simply stared. "Fascinating…" he murmured.  
  
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!? WHAT DO I CARE??? FIREBALL!!!!" //said parties jumped out of way of flaming projectiles//  
  
"Lina-san! They are lost, and as our duty as fighters of justice, we must help theeeEEEEMMMM!!!!!!" Amelia fell off the tree she had jumped in to make her speech and landed on her ass.   
"Owie."  
  
Minea stared at Amelia. "Hmm…falling out of a tree. I have to try that someday."  
  
Gourry. "…". (It's Gourry, need we say more?)  
  
"MINEA!!! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND OPEN MY INSTANT COFFEE!!!"   
  
"Why?"  
"BECAUSE I CAN'T, THAT'S WHY!!!"  
  
Filia stared at Minea. "Your eyes…you're a Mazoku!! DIE!!!!!!" Pulling out her mace, Filia attempted to pound Minea into the ground. (Note: Key word here is "attempted")  
  
Bonk ^_^ bonk ^_^ bonk ^_^ bonk O_o "Huh? What the fuck is a Mazoku? I'm a mangaknight! MANGAKNIGHT!! DO YOU HERE ME YOU CRAZY DRAGON-LADY!!!????"  
  
Leri was between the two in a flash. "DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID?!???!?"  
  
"Wha.. Leri we ARE MANGAKNIGHTS!"  
  
"True, but we are not our world. Because SOMEBODY was snooping around. So we are here and…oh damn…it… FIREBALL!!!!!!"   
  
"Do that again Leri-chan!!! And if you think you know so much computer lady, then what is a Mazoku?"   
Feeling very satisfied with herself, Minea crossed her arms and smirked, before realizing she looked waaaaaaay too much like Vegita and settled for her hands on her hips.  
  
"What's a computer?" Gourry asked, clueless.  
  
"It's a box with buttons that Leri-chan likes to push a lot!!"  
  
"Uuuhhh….what are buttons?"  
  
"GOURRY!! YOU HAVE THE FREAKING RECALL OF A LIMA BEAN!!!!" Lina screamed at her less than bright companion.  
  
"I don't know why I even try…" Leri said hanging her head.  
  
"Fuu?" Minea chirped in response.  
  
Leri grabbed Minea in flash and started whispering to her while Minea seemed clueless. "You mean…?" More whispering.. "Ohh.." A relieved sigh.   
And the two Mangaknights we walking back to the rest of the group.  
  
"You know Leri if you had just sai-" Minea was muffled by a pillow. When Leri realized it'd be a bad idea for them to know that slayers is just a "tv show".   
Doubting that they'd know what'd that mean, but she wasn't willing to take that chance.  
  
"Hey, I have cool powers now right? Hey!! I can fly!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Said being started flying in circles.   
Suddenly stopping, Minea noticed something that she liked. A lot. And therefore proceeded to glomp it.  
  
"XELLOSS!!!!!!" glomp  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! GET IT OFFA ME!!!!!!"  
  
"How does she know Xelloss?" Lina wondered.  
  
"Past Mazoku aqquaintance, maybe? All those namagomi demons are all the same."  
  
Suddenly a finger tapped onto Leri's shoulder. "Hm?"  
  
"Uhh…can I have one of those magically appearing always full coffee cups?" Zelgadis tentivaly asked.  
  
"ZELGADIS!!!!!!!!!!" glomp  
  
"AAAAHHH!!!! FUCK!!!!!!"  
  
"Now this is strange…" Amelia thought. "You don't look like normal lost people and our entrance…not magic. And those CUPS!"  
  
Leri however was too busy not getting pried off Zelgadis to care.   
  
And then THUD! And a "YAY!"  
  
"Man, Leri you're out of practice… falling off a glomp like that.."  
  
"I'm FREE!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"BUT I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Xelloss screamed at the top of his lungs. (Do Mazoku even have lungs?) Minea happily glomped her Xel-chan and giggled.   
"You're not getting away!! You can't phase away when I'm still in body contact or I'll come with you!!   
And I'd follow you anyway, so might as well stay put and let me glomp you fly boy."  
  
"Noooo…..":  
  
"HELLO??? THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE OTHER THAN CUTE GUYS!!! NOT LIKE LINA GETS ANY FANS, NOOO!!!! IT'S ALWAYS THE GUYS!!!!! WHY ME L-SAMA??????"  
  
"I thought that was me…" Leri said with a weird look in her eye. "I AM L-SAMA!!!"  
  
Minea-"That's only at night in the happy houses, dear."  
  
SLURP!! Leri drank one of her cups in one gulp and sat in the corner. And with weird looks from Zel she made him one too.  
  
  
"Uuhh…"  
  
"I thought you wanted one?"  
  
"Oh…yeah…o_O…"  
  
giggle "Xel-chan!!!! Don't you try it!! NO!! PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN!!!! OH NO YOU DON'T!!! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE LAKE!!!" glomp   
"I HAVE YOU NOW!!! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, God, just kill me now…."  
  
"Glomp?" said the ever-dense Gourry.  
  
"Glomp: a word used on internet, meaning big hug, mostly by crazed girls." Leri said simply.  
  
"Inter…net..??" Gourry scratched his head.  
  
"Uhm…" For once Leri was left doubfounded.  
  
"Don't even try." Zelgadis said and Leri nodded. Glomp!!!!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"   
  
~TBC~  
  
AN: This is just as the title says. Review, and I'll post more of this insane stupid crap up, though personally I like it.  



	2. The Continued Adventures of the Mangakni...

The Blatant Self-Insertion Fic Of Doom  
By Shimegami  
Warnings: Extremely out of character people, random silliness and stupidity, more swearing.  
Disclaimer: NOt mine. Don't sue.  
AN: The next chapter. MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA-ACK!! Damn pocky...  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"I'm bored…….." Mina squealed from hanging off Xelloss  
  
Leri groaned, not wanting to think about it, she focused on creating coffee cups. But she already had a gabillion of them already.  
  
."You know you can stop that. Its freaking me out."  
  
"Shut up Amelia." Lina was calm for once.  
  
"It's getting dark. We should stop for the night." Zelgadis observed.  
  
"Yay!! Sleepy time!!!" Minea hugged the unconscious Xelloss even tighter.  
  
"///_-\\……I'm not going to say anything…oh, shi-"  
  
glomp "I think you're much more interesting than coffee cups!" //said coffee cups dissapear//  
  
"///_O\\….uh…erk…I can't breathe…."  
  
"Look! An inn!!" The floating Minea pointed ahead.  
  
"YES!! I get to sleep in a warm nice oh so comfy bed!!!" Lina ran ahead. "And FOOD!!! I GET TO EAT!!!!"  
  
"Food? Wait for me, Lina!" Gourry ran after his companion at the promise of food.  
  
"Wait for me, Lina-san! Gourry-san!!" Amelia ran after the two.  
  
Minea giggled. "Oh my, my dear Xel-chan is waking up!"  
  
"Ugh…what happened…huh? AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Xelloss waved his arms in SD mode, screaming.  
  
"Now, you won't get away from like that!" glomp  
  
"What did I do…?"  
  
thud  
  
"Hah hah…you fell off, Leri-chan!"  
  
"Shut up Minea." Leri glared. "FIREBALL!!!" causeing both Xelloss and Minea to unglomp and scatter.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
giggle "Not for long!!!" Minea phased in behind Xelloss and quickly pounced.  
  
Glomp  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ||_||"  
  
"Come on, admit that you like it! ^_^"  
  
sniffle  
  
"Hey! That reminds me!!" Leri said.  
  
"Oh, no, Leri..no! GET AWAY FROM ME!! DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYE!!! GET AWA-ACK!!" Zelgadis turned and fled for the safety of the inn.  
  
"Oh, no, you get back here!!!" //said members are now running towards the inn//  
  
Long pause. "DO you think you'd be safer in THERE?!" //various screams and other sounds can be heard from the inn//  
  
"Uh…"  
  
"Got you! MWA HA HA HA HA!!" glomp  
  
"CRAP! I fell for it…"  
  
giggle  
  
//switch to inn//  
  
Xelloss' and Minea's Room  
  
"Stay THERE!"  
  
"No!" glomp  
  
"AAH! Stop it! Get offa me!"  
  
"No!!"  
  
//Minea kisses Xelloss on the cheek, causing him to pass out from shock//  
  
"Yay! My teddy bear Mazoku!!"  
  
//Minea snuggles in bed with her unconscious Xelloss//  
  
Zelgadis' and Leri's Room  
  
Click. Click. Click.  
  
Slurp.  
  
Click Click Click.  
  
"Ugha……."  
  
Click Click Click  
  
"WOULD YOU STOP THAT?!"  
  
Long pause. Click Click Click.  
  
THUD! "Zel-chan?"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Step on this." Leri put a scale on the floor.   
  
"///_O\\…….."  
  
"Hmm….okay 483……thats what I thought."  
  
"///_O\\;;;;;;;"  
  
glomp "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
//switch to Minea and Xelloss' room//  
  
//Hmm…sleeping peacefully. But apparently Xelloss has unconsciously snuggled to Minea and is now sleeping peacefully.   
Aww, how sweet! I'm getting cavities just from thinking about it.//  
  
//Back to Leri and Zelgadis//  
  
"Come on, it won't break! I made it so that it can stand up to twice your weight!"  
  
"NO! It will break! They always break!"  
  
"Fine." Glomp //Leri drags Zelgadis to the bed and forces him down on it. Surprise!! It doesn't break! Wow.//  
  
"///_O\\….it didn't break…? YAY! BED! ///_^\\!!!!"  
  
glomp "Knew ya'd like it Zel-chan!"  
  
"///_O\\….shouldn't you be on the floor?"  
  
"No! I'm sleeping with you!"  
  
"Oh…God…."  
  
In Amelia's room  
"Those lost people are weird…" she said thoughtfully.  
  
"Now where's a mirror?"  
  
"YA!" //Amelia is now playing make up on herself..//  
  
Lina and Gourry's room  
  
Zzzzzzzzz…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..zzzzzzzzzzz………zzzzzzzzzzzzz………..zzzzzzzzzz……..zzzzzzzzzzzzz  
  
  
//Next morning at breakfast//  
  
Lina, Gourry, and Amelia-"SNARF GOBBLE GULP SNORT GOBBLE SNARF GULP"  
  
Leri and Zelgadis-Coffee time.  
  
Xelloss and Minea - ^_^  
  
"Hey, Zel-chan?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Good coffee, huh?"  
  
"…Yeah…"  
  
"GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOURRY! THAT'S MY PANCAKE!! GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE"  
  
"So, what do you do Minea-chan? ||^_^||"  
  
"Sore wa himitsu desu! ^_^"  
  
"I think I like you, Minea-chan ||^_^||"  
  
"GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE"  
  
slurp "Want some bacon, Zel-chan?" Leri said nabbing some real food from the table.  
  
"Uhhhhhhhhh no thanks!"  
  
"But you have to eat!"  
  
"Noo….."  
  
"Yes, you do." Leri said sticking some bacon in his mouth.  
  
"N-ump…" chewing  
  
"….."  
  
"Like it?"  
  
"….more please?"  
  
"So…how would like to meet my mistress, Minea-chan? ||^_^||"  
  
"Maybe later when I'm more awake, kay? ^_^"  
  
"Kay. ||^_^||"  
  
"I wonder if Xelloss-san is being controlled by Minea-san?"  
  
"No, Amelia. GOBBLE I think he genuinely likes her GOBBLE"  
  
"Oh…GOBBLE"  
  
Click Click Click.  
  
"Ugh…"  
  
//after breakfast//  
  
"I'm stuffed, what about you Gourry?"  
  
"LOOKIE!!!!" Minea flew over in direction dragging Xelloss with her.  
  
"I know that look!" Leri chirped, grabbed Zelgadis' hand and starting running in same direction.  
  
"Umm.."  
  
"Might as well follow them." /the three remaining nodding and ran off in the same direction//  
  
"A BEACH!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!" Minea squealed. Unglomping for once and dragging the girls into the nearest bathroom to get changed.  
  
"Beach beach beach beach beach beach.." Minea chanted, using her powers to change into her rather revealing blue bikini, then returning to glomp Xelloss.  
  
Xelloss-fighting off nosebleed  
  
Leri ran into the bathroom, changing into her green bikini. "What do you think of this, Zel-chan?"  
  
Zelgadis-Joins Xelloss into the fight against nosebleeds  
  
//quick rundown of outfits//  
  
Lina-Purple one-piece  
  
Amelia-Pink connected two-piece  
  
Gourry-Purple swim trunks  
  
Zelgadis-Green swim trunks  
  
Xelloss-Blue swim trunks  
  
Minea-Blue non-connected two piece  
  
Leri-Green non-connected two piece  
  
//back to the fun!//  
  
"YOU"RE NOT GOING TO USE ME AS AN ANCHOR!"  
  
"We're not going all the way in…" Leri said dragging him close to the reef.  
  
THUD! "You wouldn't sit." Leri said simply while Zel-san just remained glaring.  
  
//said girl makes drip sand castles//  
  
"uhh.."  
  
Drip drip drip  
  
"Leri?"  
  
Drip drip drip  
  
"WOULD YOU STOP THAT????"  
  
"And do what? Are you jealous of the sand castles, Zel-chan?"  
  
"I'm not jealous!! They just can't have you!!"  
  
"And you say you're not jealous."  
  
"///_O\\….uuygh..umm..erk..uh, oh damn…"  
  
"You ARE!! You're jealous for me?? That's so sweet, Zel-chan!!" glomp  
  
"Damn."  
  
//meanwhile…//  
  
"Xel-chan! Let's swim!! ^_^"  
  
"Uh…" //still fighting off vestiges of earlier nosebleed// "Is that…wise?"  
  
"It's a beach! You're SUPPOSED to swim!!"  
  
"||O_O||…" //Heh heh heh…hiding something, are we Xel-chan? evil laugh//  
  
"Um…AAAH!" Minea grabbed Xelloss and ran full speed for the water.  
  
Splash Splash Splash  
  
"I CAN'T SWIM!!!"  
  
"You can touch the bottom Xel-chan."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Glomp "I'll teach you, Xel-chan!!!"  
  
//nosebleed// "Uigh..do youb dink dat woub be wize?" //Anything else you're hiding Xel? more evil laughter//  
  
"Yes!! ^_^"  
  
"ah..Dobkay…"  
  
"Um..maybe we should wait until that nosebleed stops, eh Xel-chan? It looks bad.."  
  
"No! I'lb be vine!"  
  
"Okay!! ^_^"  
Swimming Lessons With Minea!!!  
  
"Okay, just close your eyes Xel-chan and lean back!"  
  
"My eyes are already closed and I'm not leaning back into water!"  
  
"Do it!"  
  
"||O_O|| hai, hai…"  
  
splash  
  
"Hack…cough…splutter..You were supposed to hold me, Minea-chan!!!!"  
  
"Heh heh…I got distracted..^_^;;;;;"  
  
sigh  
  
"Fine then!" grab  
  
"ACK!! ||O_O||!!!!!"  
  
"Now just relax, Xel-chan!"  
  
"I'm drowning!! AAAHHHH!!!! HELP ME!!!"  
  
smack "Calm down!"  
  
"Hai…"  
  
Now, take a deep breath and just lay on your back like you would on a bed."  
  
"Oh..my…"  
  
//Meanwhile//  
  
"I CAN'T SWIM!!!"  
  
"You can with those." Leri said pointing at the mechanical flippers.  
  
being dragged further "I SINK!!!"   
  
"hey…" //Zelgadis dog paddles around.//  
  
"I can swim!! Yay!! ///_^\\!!!" flippers jam in his ecstatic happy dance  
  
"Oh, shi-"  
  
sinks like..well, a rock  
  
"ZEL-CHAN!! NOOOO!!" grabs him and drags him to the shore  
  
Zel-///_@\\  
  
"Oh no!! I've killed him!!!!"  
  
"Hack…cough…I'm…not sinking…splutter.."  
  
"ZEL-CHAN!!!" glomp  
  
"///_-\\"  
  
~TBC~  
  
AN: Stupid, utterly pointless, and no plot. Don't we love self-insertions? I still need socks...  
  



End file.
